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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Elon Musk Offers $1 Million to Anyone Who Can Pry His Hands from Skinny Jeans

October 25, 2024 Andrew

SAN FRANCISCO, CA Billionaire Elon Musk is offering $1 million to anyone who is able to pry his hands from a particularly tight pair of skinny jeans he’s been sporting for the past year or […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg to Relocate Trains to Keep Out Worldly Influences

October 16, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Mennonites of southern Manitoba had it all figured out 150 years ago it seems. The City of Winnipeg is now considering the possibility of moving the rail yards out of the city. […]

Unger Suspicion

Perfumer Releases New ‘Urine and Weed’ Scent in Tribute to New York City

October 15, 2024 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY One of the nation’s top perfumers has just released a new scent, aptly called New York City, which is believed to be the first perfume to emulate the unmistakable musk of the […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite Woman Forces Husband to Watch ‘Marley and Me’ Yet Again This Weekend

October 14, 2024 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Area woman Anne Martin has big special plans for this Friday evening. “Let me guess, you want to snuggle and watch ‘Marley and Me’ for the 700th time?” said husband Bob. “Alright, fine, […]

Unger Suspicion

Highway 75 Celebrates 75 Years Under Construction

October 13, 2024 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Festivities were held in nearby Altona, Manitoba this week to commemorate 75 years of road work on Highway 75. “My father worked on this road, my grandfather worked on this road, even my […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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