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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

Pacifist Lions on Verge of Extinction

January 24, 2017 Andrew

KRUGER NP, SOUTH AFRICA According to recent reports by wildlife biologists in South Africa, the population of pacifist lions has been in steady decline over the past few decades. The number of non-resistent lions is […]

Unger Suspicion

Inspired by Ukrainians, Mennonites Demand Their Own Christmas

January 7, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB People of the Orthodox faith celebrate Christmas thirteen days after other Christians. After pilfering their vareniki recipe during a century of habitation in southern Ukraine, Canadian Mennonites are now demanding that they get their own Christmas […]

Unger Suspicion

Public is Shocked to Discover Quakers Are More than Just Oats

January 4, 2017 Andrew

PHILADELPHIA, PA Thanks to some silly marketers in the late 19th century, the general public has associated Quakers almost exclusively with oats. What has been obscured with this ‘oatization’ of the Quakers is their long-standing advocacy […]

Unger Suspicion

2016 Takes Yet Another Celebrity Grandma’s Never Heard Of

December 29, 2016 Andrew

ROSETOWN, MB 2016 was quite the year for deaths of famous people that Grandma Wiebe, 88, of Rosetown, “has just never heard of.”  From David Bowie and Prince, to Leonard Cohen and Carrie Fisher, literally dozens of […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Excited for New Star Wars Movie

December 16, 2016 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA With the release of Rogue One today, millions of Star Wars fans, including Mennonites, have lined up outside theatres around the world in anticipation of the new movie. The Daily Bonnet asked a few […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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