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Unger Suspicion

Unger & Thirst

Molson Drinkers Really Excited About Canada Food Guide’s Recommendation to Drink More Water

January 23, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON The new Canada Food Guide was released this week and is already causing quite the stir. The new guidelines suggest that Canadians should eat more vegetables and whole grains, while “making water your […]

Unger Games

Loewen Family Totally Destroys Dueck Family

January 20, 2019 Andrew

HOLLYWOOD, CA The Loewen family of Kleefeld totally destroyed the Dueck family of Plum Coulee this past week on the popular game show ‘Family Feud.’ For the Loewens, the victory was seen as sweet revenge […]

Unger Suspicion

Study Suggest Satire is 20% Funnier When Drunk

January 16, 2019 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON A new study out of the University of Central Kitchener shows that satire is a fully twenty percent funnier after readers have had more than four drinks. “The problem with the Daily Bonnet […]

Unger Suspicion

Patrik Laine Considers Bringing Back ‘Lucky Mennonite Beard’ After Recent Slump

January 10, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Young Finnish phenom Patrik Laine has been in a slump as of late and hockey experts are pointing to only one possible cause of his scoreless streak – shaving off his Menno beard. […]

Unger Suspicion

Petition Calls for Entire State of Minnesota to Join Canada

January 7, 2019 Andrew

ST. PAUL, MN Already at more than 7,000 signatures, a binding online petition, will see the entire state of Minnesota join its neighbour to the north when it reaches the 10,000 signature threshold. “I’ve always […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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