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Unger Suspicion

Unger Suspicion

How to Totally Rock Your Mother’s Hand-Me-Down Bathing Suit This Summer!

June 20, 2019 Andrew

Your mother’s given you a lot of things: her smile, her hips, and probably some used clothes you just don’t know what the heck to do with. Well, don’t worry, ladies! There’s no reason to […]

Unger Suspicion

Embarrassed Manitoba Premier Seeks Treatment for Premature Election

June 19, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Yes, men, it happens to everybody. Even the Premier of Manitoba. Once thought to have the “strength and stamina of a mule,” this week Premier Pallister suffered an embarrassing bout of premature election. […]

Unger Games

Toronto Reaches Trade Deal with St. Louis to Swap Trophies

June 14, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After stiff negotiations, the City of Toronto has reached a trade deal with the City of St. Louis to trade their NBA Championship Trophy for a Stanley Cup. “Of course, St. Louis doesn’t […]

Unger Suspicion

Seven Ways the Canadian Senate is Just Like Your Mennonite Elder Board

June 9, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Ahh, the Canadian Senate, a collection of old irrelevant out-of-touch people who somehow have the power to make decisions around here…oh, wait, are we talking about the elder board? Well, there are some […]

Unger Suspicion

Toronto Raptors Hire New Trajchtmoaka

June 8, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After witnessing the incredible healing powers of his touch, hip-hop superstar and NBA megafan Drake has been hired by the Toronto Raptors as official team trajchtmoaka. “It’s a new position for us. Something […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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