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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Has ‘Unfair Head Start’ on Movember Beard

November 2, 2016 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB A local Mennonite man has taken advantage of his ample facial hair to “totally kick butt” in a local Movembeard contest. “Like Samson of old, I have not, cannot, and will not shave,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Experiences Mysterious Egg Shortage After Everyone in Town Shuts Off the Lights and Pretends Not to Be Home

November 1, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local grocery stores were completely sold out of eggs yesterday, after for some unknown reason nearly everyone in town decided they were going to just turn off the lights and hide in the […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman Hires CNN to ‘Fact-Check’ Her Husband

October 30, 2016 Andrew

ANAHEIM, CA Tired of “his constant BS,” local Mennonite woman, Mary Penner, 75, of Anaheim, decided to submit her husband Pete to a CNN Reality Check. “I just wasn’t sure that what he was telling […]

The Daily Bonnet

Rumours Fly as Young Woman Gets a Haircut

October 28, 2016 Andrew

ROSENHOF, MB The rumour mill was running in full force this weekend after local woman Marilynne Klassen, 32, went to one of those weltlijch city hairdressers and came back with the “shortest haircut we’ve ever […]

The Daily Bonnet

Renowned Mennonite Scholar Unable To Locate Car In Parking Lot

October 21, 2016 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA World-renowned expert on the Anabaptist exegesis of the synoptic Gospels, Dr. Dirk W. Thiessen, is always able to find minute errors in the works cited pages of undergraduate papers, but was unable to locate […]

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