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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Black Bumper Mennonite Develops Severe Chrome Fetish

December 8, 2016 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA According to his psychologist, it was sometime after an accident with an SUV that scuffed the black paint off his bumper, when area man Benjamin Horning developed his abnormal obsession with chrome. “Deprived […]

The Daily Bonnet

B.C. Relatives are Really Proud of Their Inability to Survive Harsh Manitoba Winters

December 6, 2016 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Mennonites across the Fraser Valley, many of whom once lived on the frozen prairie tundra, have gone soft in recent years and can no longer survive more than a few minutes outside their […]

The Daily Bonnet

Abe’s Hill to Become Manitoba Star Attraction

December 5, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A mound of dirt in Steinbach now sits alongside The Forks, The Canadian Museum for Human Rights, and the polar bears of Churchill as a Manitoba ‘Star Attraction.’ The pile of dirt known […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mannanite Man Can’t Hear His Own Acksant

December 2, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Area man Peter Berg still insists after all these years that he doesn’t have a Plautdietsch accent at all. “Ats all deeze Enjelsch who have da acksant yat,” he said in perfectly fluent […]

The Daily Bonnet

Morden Man Successfully Stretches Penny Into Copper Wire

November 29, 2016 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Local man, Reginald F. Braun, 63, has been dubbed the ‘Mennonite King Midas’ after becoming the first person to stretch a penny into copper wire. “That old Mr. Braun is just amazing,” said one […]

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