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The Daily Bonnet

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The Daily Bonnet

Rapture Occurs Just Before Newlyweds Have a Chance to Consummate the Marriage

September 10, 2016 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Every chaste young man’s biggest fear came true last night as Eric Dueck and Sarah Loewen were miraculously raptured just moments before they were able to consummate their marriage. “I just knew this […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Couple Claims to Be From Winnipeg While Travelling

September 9, 2016 Andrew

CALGARY, AB A young married couple from Steinbach, who recently went on a road trip to Alberta, have been telling everyone along the way that they are “from Winnipeg.” “The hotel clerk, the gas station […]

The Daily Bonnet

Friesen-Friesen Wedding is Well-Attended by Local Friesens

September 8, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Hundreds of Friesens from throughout southeast Manitoba descended on the local EMBC church this past Saturday to attend the wedding of Benjamin Friesen and Anna Friesen (no relation). “I’m so excited to see […]

The Daily Bonnet

Students Petition CMU for ‘Hipster Discount’

September 7, 2016 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A group of millennial students at Canadian Mennonite University have asked the institution for a discount on their tuition because they are hipsters. “Children of alumni, missionary kids, pastor’s kids – they all […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Works His Usual 18 Hours on Labour Day

September 5, 2016 Andrew

YARROW, BC Exhibiting the most extreme manifestation of the “Protestant work ethic,” local butcher Helmut Siemens of Yarrow spent every waking moment making farmer sausage this Labour Day. “I don’t take a day off unless it’s the […]

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