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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Dutch Blitz Tournament Results in Hundreds of Casualties

April 20, 2017 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA More than three-hundred serious injuries and five fatalities were reported at this year’s Lancaster Senior’s Dutch Blitz tournament. Event organizers, however, say that the results are “typical.” “This is just as we expected. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Almost Fornicates With His Own Wife

April 19, 2017 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB After hearing a fiery sermon on marital purity at the local Mennonite church, area man Mr. Petey B. Krahn has vowed never to fornicate with his wife again. However, he nearly broke […]

The Daily Bonnet

60% of Manitobans Claim to be Cousins of Jonathan Toews

April 17, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A new poll shows that just over 60% of the Manitoba population claims to be related to NHL star Jonathan Toews. “When you’ve got someone as famous as Jonathan Toews, suddenly everyone and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Henry Reimer to Move to the Corner of Henry and Reimer

April 17, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Thanks to a new Steinbach law, residents will now be allowed to inhabit the street corners that match their names. First to take advantage of this new law was Henry Reimer, 71, formerly […]

The Daily Bonnet

Learn the Meaning Behind Your Common Mennonite First Name (Men’s List)

April 14, 2017 Andrew

When Menno Simons received the Ten Commandments back in 1536, he was also provided with a list of holy and righteous Mennonite first names, ten for women and ten for men. For centuries the original list […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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