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The Daily Bonnet

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The Daily Bonnet

Census: Steinbach Population to Surpass Winnipeg by 2217

March 6, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The recent Canadian census has sparked a rivalry between the growing Mennonite town of Steinbach and its (currently) much larger provincial capital. If current rates of growth continue, Steinbach, already the third-largest community in […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Fondly Reminisce About the Olden Days When Chicken Meat Actually Contained Chicken

March 4, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After DNA testing recently revealed that the chicken at numerous popular fast food establishments had “only trace amounts of chicken meat,” Mennonites across North America fondly recalled the days when eating chicken meant you […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mysterious Steinbach Mineral Claims Finally Revealed

February 28, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For more than a year, a secretive Alberta company has been buying up the mineral rights for a massive area surrounding the city of Steinbach. The precise nature of the mineral rights purchase has been kept under […]

The Daily Bonnet

Adventurous Mennonite Couple Discovers a Whole World Beyond St. Vital Centre

February 26, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mr. and Mrs. Jakob and Helena Funk of Lowe Farm were recently shocked to discover that there was more to the provincial capital than a suburban mall. “For decades we’ve just been driving between […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Lady Totally Wastes Her Allotted Fifteen Minutes of Internet Time

February 25, 2017 Andrew

SCHWAGERSHOF, MB This past Tuesday, local Mennonite woman, Alice Braun, completely wasted her daily allotment of Internet time by looking up chicken salad recipes. “I generously allow her a full quarter of an hour to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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