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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Spring Means Courting Season for Eligible Mennonites

March 22, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Ahhh, spring, the time of year to haul out the rubber boots and pick rocks out of the field…and possibly attract a suitor in the process. Yes, indeed, spring is courting season for Mennonites. […]

The Daily Bonnet

Wife Frustrated With Husband’s Inability to Take a Flattering Selfie

March 21, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area woman Erin Peters, 31, became completely fed up this past weekend with her husband Bob’s complete inability to take an attractive selfie. “That man is totally inept when it comes to taking […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Demand Winnipeg Mayor to Change the City Name to ‘Vanapag’

March 20, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Thousands of Mennonites from across the city surrounded Winnipeg City Hall on Friday demanding that Mayor Bowman change the name of the city to Vanapag. “We’re here today to express our desire to […]

The Daily Bonnet

City to Replace Surveillance Cameras with Mennonite Ladies

March 18, 2017 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA In an effort to increase security and reduce costs of surveillance, the city of Lancaster has voted to remove all security cameras and replace them with nosy Mennonite ladies. “Basically they’ll just do […]

The Daily Bonnet

Manitoba Man Prepares Ark for Annual Spring Thaw

March 16, 2017 Andrew

ST. CRISTOPHE, MB Local man Dale B. Unrau, 52, is busy getting his ark into tip-top shape for the annual spring melt. As temperatures rise, so does the risk of turning southern Manitoba into a […]

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