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The Daily Bonnet

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The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites to Hold Annual ‘Running of the Dairy Cows’ Down Pennsylvania Avenue Today

January 20, 2017 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Inspired by a similar tradition in small town Spain, American Mennonites plan to hold their annual ‘Running of the Dairy Cows’ today in Washington, DC. “It’s nice to see they’ve already roped off […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mrs. Henry L. Funk Celebrates Fifty Years of Using Her Husband’s Name

January 20, 2017 Andrew

KRONSGARTEN, MB Local woman Mrs. Henry L. Funk is celebrating fifty years of never using her own first name. Funk follows the Mennonite tradition of signing all her letters, postcards, and even legal documents by simply […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach MCC Store Takes a Hardline Stance Against Doll Nudity

January 19, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After an epidemic of improperly covered dolls, the Steinbach MCC has recently addressed the issue with a no-nonsense sign meant to curb the unseemly behaviour. “I couldn’t even walk down the doll aisle […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Mafia Now Accepting Applications for 2017 Drug-Smuggling Season

January 17, 2017 Andrew

SCHISSJAT, ON The Mennonite Mafia is looking forward to a busy summer of drug-running this year and are already accepting applications for wide variety of fedeenstlijch positions. “You can drop off your resume and cover letter with […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Law Mandates 6:30 Bedtime for Mennonites

January 16, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After a string of incidents involving Mennonites who stayed up to the unseemly hour of seven or eight, a new Steinbach bylaw requires that all Mennonites be in bed with the lights out […]

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