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The Daily Bonnet

Your trusted source for Mennonite satire.

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The Daily Bonnet

Virgin Births Nothing Rare in Mennonite Country

December 24, 2017 Andrew

REINLAND, MB Miraculous conception has been cited as the cause of hundreds of pregnancies this past year in southern Manitoba. The Reinland Mennonite Hospital, for example, reported more than five hundred virgin births in 2017, […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandpa Wiebe Knipses Twelve Twenties in a Row

December 22, 2017 Andrew

VANKLA, MB Grandpa Wiebe of Vankla impressed all the Wiebes at the Wiebe gathering last night after knipsing twenty after twenty, and at the rate of a toonie per knispe, earned himself quite the pile […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Parents Use Low German Code Language During Holiday Season

December 19, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Parents across southeast Manitoba have been speaking nonstop Plautdietsch this December in order to keep Bethany and Ethan from finding out what they’re getting for Christmas. “It’s great, we can jerad and mulwoakjs all […]

The Daily Bonnet

Logical Fallacies Explained to Mennonites

December 18, 2017 Andrew

Mennonites are pacifists, so we can’t use physical violence to achieve our goals. So, how do we get our way? Well, by winning an argument of course! We use words, not swords. In order to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mannanites are Feeling Vary Blast This Time of Year Yet

December 15, 2017 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Mannanites across western Canada have been sharing #blast memes throughout the holiday season this year yet. “Like and share if you’re feeling sea gut and blast dis year,” said Mrs. Petkau of […]

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