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The Daily Bonnet

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The Daily Bonnet

Entire Province of Manitoba ‘Moving to BC’

January 30, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB After a near record-setting cold snap, the entire province of Manitoba has decided to pack their bags and move in with the Doerksens of Abbotsford. “The Trans-Canada Highway going west is jam-packed,” said […]

The Daily Bonnet

A Guide to Those Mysterious Swiss Mennonites (for Russian Mennonites)

January 27, 2019 Andrew

I have to admit, as a Russian Mennonite, there’s a lot I don’t know about the Swiss. To those of us in Manitoba, the Swiss remain a mystery. After extensive research, the Daily Bonnet has […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Housebarn to be Converted into Luxury Condos

January 22, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Thanks to increasing pressures on the Winkler housing market, the old Ens housebarn just outside of town will be converted into luxury condominiums this fall. “We’re banking on the fact that people will pay […]

The Daily Bonnet

Miracle-Working Techno-Whizz Grandson Turns Computer Off and then On Again

January 21, 2019 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC Nineteen-year-old Timothy Brandt had all the Mennonites at the Abbotsford Manor in awe last night after he turned off the computer and turned it back on again. “Oba yo! He really knows about […]

The Daily Bonnet

Manitoba Man Missing Wide Range of Body Parts After Spending Frigid Winter Night Staring at the Moon

January 20, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man David Peters froze into a solid block of ice this evening as he stood outside in -30 degree temperatures trying to look at the lunar eclipse. Local doctors managed to thaw […]

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