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Unger the Influence

Unger the Influence

MP Candice Bergen Steps Down to Return to Glamorous Life in Hollywood

February 3, 2023 Andrew

MORDEN, MB After fifteen years representing the good folks of Portage Lisgar in the House of Commons, MP Candice Bergen has stepped down to return to the set of hit 1990s sitcom Murphy Brown. “As […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Communities Eager to Put a Siemens in Charge

November 12, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC (with files from WINKLER, MB) There is a growing trend in traditionally-Mennonite communities across Canada – putting a Siemens in charge. This month civic elections in both Abbotsford and Winkler sent a Siemens to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Midterm ‘Red Wave’ Turns Out To Be Nothing But Farmer Sausage

November 11, 2022 Andrew

TOPEKA, KS Desperate for a narrative that would prove their analysis correct, dozens of political pundits are now saying that the “red wave” they’d been predicting for weeks was actually nothing more than a huge […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler to Implement New ‘ArriveVankla’ App

September 22, 2022 Andrew

VANKLA, MB Just as the federal government is set to scrap the glitchy ArriveCan app, the city of Winkler has decided to add a new “ArriveVankla” app for all visitors from Jantsied or Morden yet […]

Unger Suspicion

“Oops, My Bad,” Say Democrats Who Forgot to Codify Roe v. Wade for Almost 50 Years

June 26, 2022 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Crocodile tears were flowing at Democratic Party headquarters this week, as the men in charge of the party, realized that, yet again, they’d been paying lip service to an idea without doing anything […]

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