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Unger the Influence

Unger the Influence

Concerned Niverville Residents Demand Meeting at 32,000 Seat Stadium

August 10, 2024 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB After the Niverville Heritage Centre was not large enough to accommodate the crowd of concerned Nivervillians this week, residents are demanding a meeting at Princess Auto Stadium. “We must have room for every […]

Unger the Influence

Thrift Store Burns Couch Donated By J.D. Vance

August 7, 2024 Andrew

MIDDELTON, OH A local thrift store has only a short list of items it will not accept, including cloth diapers, encyclopedia sets and, now, apparently gently-used couches formerly owned by J.D. Vance. “Normally we can […]

Unger the Influence

Rolling Stones Announce New More Youthful Lead Singer Joe Biden

July 21, 2024 Andrew

LONDON, UK It didn’t take long for President Joe Biden to find a new job–lead singer of legendary rock band The Rolling Stones. “You can’t always get what you want and Mick was getting long […]

Unger the Influence

Justin Trudeau Plans to Stick Around Long Enough to Become the Next Joe Biden

June 29, 2024 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Despite losing a safe seat in Toronto this week, Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau plans to stick around for a while, just like his inspiration south of the border Joe Biden. “Look at […]

Unger the Influence

City of Morden Ceases to Exist After Being Lumped Into Winkler Metro Area

May 23, 2024 Andrew

WINKLER-MORDEN, MB The City of Morden is no more after being absorbed into the City of Winkler’s census agglomeration according to Statistics Canada. “They’re not even calling it Morden-Winkler or Winkler-Morden,” said Morden resident Arthur […]

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