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Unger the Influence

Unger the Influence

Crokinole Board Hauled Out to Quiet Divisive Political Discussions

December 29, 2024 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The political discussions got so heated at the Loewen gathering this past week, that Mrs. Annie Loewen decided “enough was enough,” and decided to haul out the kjnipsbrat, which studies have shown is […]

Unger the Influence

Canada to Exchange Jordan Peterson for Noam Chomsky

December 14, 2024 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Canada’s leading right wing intellectual Jordan Peterson will be heading south this week in exchange for Noam Chomsky. “They were eager to get rid of Chomsky, and we could do without Peterson,” said […]

Unger the Influence

Mennonites Unimpressed with Obvious Attempt to Buy Vogts

December 6, 2024 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON With money and tax breaks flowing out of Ottawa like a von Riesen out of 16th-century Friesland, several Mennonites are wondering whether this whole thing might just be a feeble attempt to buy […]

Unger the Influence

“Nah, we’re good”: Winnipeg Excluded from Plan to Make Canada the 51st US State

December 4, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A committee of 12 American delegates have arrived in Canada this week in hopes of adding a significant amount of territory to the American empire. “Everything was going okay until we arrived in […]

Unger the Influence

Joe Pardons Hunter Just in Time for “Giving Tuesday”

December 3, 2024 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC Giving Tuesday is an annual day of generosity, drawing attention and support for worthy causes. In honour of Giving Tuesday this year, outgoing President Joe decided to give the most generous gift he […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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