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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Coming this October to a Mennonite Church Near You: Pumpkin Spice Baptisms!

October 4, 2018 Andrew

FRESNO, CA Desperate to capture the lucrative 25-40 market, the First Mennonite Brethren Church of Fresno has decided that all baptisms during the month of October will be conducted with Mrs. Jansen’s famous pumpkin spice […]

Unger & Thirst

Anti-Fracking Protestors Shut Down Schmaunt Fat Production

September 17, 2018 Andrew

LA CRETE, AB Dozens of angry protestors showed up to La Crete City Hall this past week to protest the fracking of schmaunt fat. “Fracking is an unsafe method of schmaunt fat extraction,” said Billy […]

Unger & Thirst

Custodian at Local Senior’s Home Can’t Get the Smell of Roll Kuchen Out of the Hallway

September 13, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The hallways at Menno Garden Manor still smell strongly of cooking oil after half a dozen women all decided to fry up some roll kuchen on the very same day. Mr. Pankratz, a […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Politician Splits from Conservatives to Form the Tupperware Party

August 23, 2018 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON It seems Maxine Bernier is not the only one leaving the Conservative Party to form one of his own. Mennonite MP Cassandra Petkau of the Neuhochenfeld Riding has become disgruntled and is seeking […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Man Drives 20 Miles Before Realizing McDonald’s Drive-Thru Didn’t Give Him Any Ketchup

August 20, 2018 Andrew

HIGHWAY 44, MB Winnipeg man Richard Giesbrecht, 47, was well on his way to Whitemouth Lake this weekend before he realized that, once again, the McDonald’s drive-thru had failed to provide him with any ketchup. […]

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