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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Deliberately Leaves Out Essential Ingredient in Recipe

December 13, 2018 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Mrs. Brandt of Chilliwack has often been asked to share her delicious recipes with others, but, so far, not a single person has been able to replicate her dishes. “I don’t know what […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Couple Covered in Flour After Things Get Frisky in the Kitchen

December 6, 2018 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Mom and Dad had some explaining to do after the Dueck children found them in a state of disrobe and completely covered in flour when they were dropped off at home by grandma. […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Hires Connor Hellebuyck to Strain Her Potatoes

December 2, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Winnipeg Jets goaltender Connor Hellebuyck has been in high demand with local Mennonite women, who have been hiring him to strain their potatoes and other items for the past couple months. “He’s a […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Cooking to Be Rebranded as ‘Keto Diet’

November 27, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB In an effort to capitalize on the latest fad diet, the ladies at the local Mennonite church have decided to rebrand ‘The EMMC Ladies Cookbook’ as simply ‘Cooking Keto.’ The ladies decided to […]

Unger & Thirst

Steinbachers to Vote on Whether to Legalize Romaine Lettuce

November 25, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB After dozens of people have taken ill from E. coli-tainted romaine lettuce, Steinbach city council decided it was time to see how locals felt about this dangerous and addictive substance. “We’re gonna do […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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