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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Heretical Mennonite Man Smothers Perogies in Sour Cream

July 13, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man, Abe Sawatzky, 67, shocked a whole table of cousins at faspa on Friday after foregoing the schmaunt fat and smothering his cottage cheese perogies in sour cream instead. “Diewel devil shinda! […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Visits Every Single Chicken Chef in Manitoba

July 11, 2020 Andrew

ROBLIN, MB With an order of a buffalo chicken burger with a side of fries and gravy in Roblin, Manitoba, Mr. Plett of Morden, completed his ten-year-long quest to visit every single Chicken Chef in […]

Unger & Thirst

Full Grown Man Still Eats Sugary Children’s Cereal

July 10, 2020 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Despite the protests of his loving wife Doris, Mr. Eby, 43, of Waterloo downs three bowls of sugary children’s cereal every morning at breakfast. “Count Chocula! Froot Loops! Lucky Charms! You name it, […]

Unger & Thirst

Hash Brownie Recipe Discovered in Antique Mennonite Cookbook

July 6, 2020 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Mennonite Recipes of Lancaster County is thought to be the oldest Swiss Mennonite cookbook in the world. Little was known about the content of the very first edition until now. Recently a rare […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Consumes 4L of Ice Cream Just for the Pail

July 3, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mrs. Braun was so desperate for a fresh used ice cream pail that she downed four litres of Foremost chocolate ice cream in one epic evening. “I was looking at my collection of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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