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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Consumes 4L of Ice Cream Just for the Pail

July 3, 2020 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mrs. Braun was so desperate for a fresh used ice cream pail that she downed four litres of Foremost chocolate ice cream in one epic evening. “I was looking at my collection of […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Has So Much Extra Rhubarb She Just Doesn’t Know What to Do with it All

July 1, 2020 Andrew

MORRIS, MB Even though it’s early in the season, Mrs. Doerksen has already more rhubarb than she can handle and just doesn’t know what to do with it all, since everyone else in town is […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Tries to Pass Off Blueberry Pie as Saskatoon Pie

June 30, 2020 Andrew

NEUANLAGE, SK Mrs. Krahn is in hot water this week after bringing what clearly was a blueberry pie to the Neuanlage soup and pie fundraiser and labelling it “Saskatoon berry pie.” “Who does she think […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Farmers Excited for Bountiful Papsi and Ravel Crop this Year

June 28, 2020 Andrew

FRIEDENSRUH, MB After a good start to the growing season, farmers across the Pembina Valley are enthusiastic about this year’s Papsi and Ravel crop. “We’ve had a good rain in June and then a nice […]

Unger & Thirst

Ra’bus Shortage Leaves Mennonites Eating Dry Roll Kuchen

June 27, 2020 Andrew

CUAUHTEMOC, MEXICO With demand outstripping supply this year, millions of Mennonites have been left ra’busless and desperate for something to sweeten up their roll kuchen. “You gotta have the golden syrup, maybe even some icing […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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