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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

World’s Most Innovative Mennonite Woman Puts Sweet and Sour Sauce on Her Farmer Sausage

March 26, 2022 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Mrs. Ruth Berg has been awarded the ‘World’s Most Innovative Mennonite’ prize this week for her ingenious use of sweet and sour sauce on farmer sausage. “And instead of vereniki, I serve this […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Enters Guinness Book of Records for Rapid Meat Canning

March 20, 2022 Andrew

SMOKETOWN, PA Mrs. Sarah Glatfelter of Smoketown, Pennsylvania has entered the Guinness Book of Records after canning more than 100 cans of meat for MCC within just one hour. “I’ve never seen a Mennonite can […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman to Continue Wearing Mask in Liquor Store

March 15, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Even though provincial guidelines no longer require it, Mrs. Jessica Peters, 31, of Winnipeg plans to continue sporting her N95 at liquor stores across the province. “I’ve gotta be protected,” said Peters, ” […]

Unger & Thirst

Liquor Stores Remove Russian Vodka from Shelves Without Any Mennonites Noticing

March 7, 2022 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Not a single one of Manitoba’s more than 700,000 Mennonites would admit to noticing the fact that local liquor stores had removed Russian vodka from the shelves. “Oh, that’s certainly news to […]

Unger & Thirst

Massive Shared Chicken Chef to Open Between Morden and Winkler

March 6, 2022 Andrew

MORDEN-WINKLER, MB After the unparalleled success of a shared hospital, the rival southern Manitoba cities of Morden and Winkler have agreed to build a massive Chicken Chef equidistant between the two communities. “The time for […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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