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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Toews Fills Stanley Cup with Delicious Somma Borscht

June 29, 2022 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The ladies from the Abbotsford auxiliary borscht committee were working late into the night yesterday to pick out all the little bits of sorrel and beet greens that had become lodged in the […]

Unger & Thirst

Millennials Completely Priced Out of Avocado Toast Market

June 24, 2022 Andrew

WATERLOO, ON Soaring avocado prices coupled with high interest rates have priced many millennials in the Kitchener Waterloo area right out of the avocado toast market. “We were looking at a 30-year mortgage just for […]

Unger & Thirst

Hungover Mennonite Woman Insists “It’s Only Covid”

June 22, 2022 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK Eleanor Driedger, 61, of Saskatoon had a little too much to drink at the lady’s Bible study and wine event last night, but refused to admit she’d come down with a hangover this […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Family’s Been Eating Nothing but Mini Donuts for the Past Week

June 19, 2022 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB The Wiebes of Niverville have been subsisting on nothing but mini donuts breakfast, lunch, and dinner for the past week. “It all started at the Niverville Fair last weekend. I think we ate […]

Unger & Thirst

Fake Russian McDonalds Offers Limp Flavourless Fries Called ‘Putin’

June 18, 2022 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA After all the real McDonalds stores shut down this week, a new FakeDonalds is setting up shop in Russia and promises to offer a number of new menu items, including a variation on […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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