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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Ruins Perfectly Good Cinnamon Buns By Adding Raisins

October 4, 2025 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Area woman Theresa Bueckert decided she’d change things up a little and add raisins to her bun dough this week. The results were, as expected, disastrous. “Oba, what was I thinking,” said Mrs. […]

Unger & Thirst

Niverville Residents Finally Free From Arduous Journey to Winnipeg McDonald’s

October 3, 2025 Andrew

NIVERVILLE, MB For more than a century, residents of the small Mennonite town of Niverville have been completely cut off from access to McDonald’s restaurants. “Oh, sure, some brave souls ventured out to Winnipeg once […]

Unger & Thirst

White House Warns Against Knackzoat During Pregnancy

September 25, 2025 Andrew

WASHINGTON, DC President Trump issued a warning to pregnant woman this week – avoid knackzoat. “It can only be bad. Not good,” said Trump. “Very bad. Let me see. How do you pronounce this? It’s […]

Unger & Thirst

Innovative New Packaging Only Openable with Teeth

September 17, 2025 Andrew

TORONTO, ON The resigned packaging for a popular brand of throat lozenges features new “easy to open packaging” that cannot be opened without your teeth. “We’ve specially designed this package to be shred open with […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Discovers Huge Selection of “Cooking Wine” at Local LC

September 16, 2025 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Area woman Lois Buhler, 51, was utterly amazed by the selection of top shelf Italian, French, and Spanish wine at her local LC this week. “Wow, the ladies around here cook with the […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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