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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Schmaunt Fat Soars to $100 a Barrel

March 10, 2026 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON When the Leamington Exchange ended trading on Monday, the price of schmaunt fat closed at a record high of $106.06 a barrel, smashing the previous record. As a result of soaring schmaunt fat […]

Unger & Thirst

McDonald’s CEO Reluctantly Tries New Vereniki Product

March 8, 2026 Andrew

CHICAGO, IL After testing out the product for several months in rural Saskatchewan, McDonald’s CEO Chris Kempczinski announced in a viral video this week that the The Big Pierogi would be rolling out in stores […]

Unger & Thirst

US Troops Accidentally Seize One of Those Oil and Vinegar Tasting Rooms

January 5, 2026 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS Rural Kansas’s most popular oil and vinegar tasting room was accidentally seized this weekend as the Trump administration tries to regain control over the hemisphere’s most precious commodity. “We’ve got their oil and […]

Unger & Thirst

Winkler, Manitoba Officially Has More Mexican Restaurants than People

January 2, 2026 Andrew

WINKLER, MB According to new census figures that were just released today, the city of Winkler in southern Manitoba now has more Mexican restaurants than people. At just over 14,000 Mexican restaurants, the city has […]

Unger & Thirst

Lottery Winner Given Rare Box of Christmas Oranges That Aren’t Stale or Rotten

December 26, 2025 Andrew

ALTONA, MB A small ceremony was held at the Altona Co-op this afternoon where Mrs. Neufeld was awarded a box of non-rotten and non-stale Christmas origins. “Wow, did you see that?” said Mrs. Kroeker, completely […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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