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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Conservative Mennonite Church Approves Drinking Bud Light ‘Since it’s Not Really Beer Anyway’

January 6, 2018 Andrew

JANSEN, NE A strict Mennonite church in the small town of Jansen, Nebraska has broken decades of teetotaller tradition by approving the consumption of Bud Light. At a membership meeting on Saturday, the church board […]

Unger & Thirst

After Last Night Hanover Municipality Renamed ‘Hangover’

January 1, 2018 Andrew

HANGOVER, MB After a night in which dozens of Mennonite in the Hanover area drank copious amounts of Papsi and water, area residents have voted to rename the area ‘Hangover.’ “Ugh, after three Papsis and […]

Unger & Thirst

Fourth Wiseman Rejected for Bringing Halva

December 23, 2017 Andrew

BETHLEHEM, JUDEA The fourth wiseman, Peter Wiebe, who followed the star all the way from the East Reserve, was apparently turned away at the entrance to Bethlehem this week for bringing the dry chalky substance […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Steakhouse Adds Fried Bologna to Menu

December 13, 2017 Andrew

ABBOTSFORD, BC The Purple Koo, Abbotsford’s toniest steakhouse, is about to get a little bit tonier, with the addition of prime cut grade A fried bologna to the menu. The addition of bologna is in […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandma Jailed for Adding Flavour to Food

December 1, 2017 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Mrs. Edna Loewen of Newton, Kansas was arrested and removed from the church roster on Sunday after it was reported her cooking now contained actual flavour. According to her furious grandchildren, Loewen added […]

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