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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Top Local Chefs to Stage Fancy Dinner on Frozen Blumenort Lagoon

January 19, 2018 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Manitoba’s most famous chefs will be setting aside the comforts of high-end Winnipeg restaurants this winter for a three week pop-up restaurant on the frozen Blumenort lagoon. ‘COOKED: Blumenort’ will feature all the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman’s ‘Abstinence in a Pan’ Declared Worst Dessert at Church Bake Sale

January 14, 2018 Andrew

WICHITA, KS The Wichita Mennonite Church Bake Sale generated lower than expected revenue this week, due in part to the extreme unpopularity of Mrs. Deirdre Jansen’s ‘Abstinence in a Pan’ dessert. The dessert, a variation […]

Unger & Thirst

Tim Hortons Raises Starting Wage to 15 Timbits an Hour

January 13, 2018 Andrew

OAKVILLE, ON In response to widespread criticism of recent cuts to employee benefits in some of its stores, iconic Canadian donut chain Tim Hortons has graciously decided to raise its starting wage from 12 Timbits […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Moms Gather for Wine O’Clock…I Mean “Bible Study”

January 10, 2018 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB For nearly a decade, Mennonite moms in North Kildonan have been gathering every Tuesday afternoon at Diane’s house to laugh, chat, and drink overly sweet white wines. “It all started about ten years […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite CPAP Machine Provides Continuous Flow of Schmaunt Fat

January 10, 2018 Andrew

HERBERT, SK Cardiologists in the small town of Herbert, Saskatchewan are testing out a new CPAP machine that would provide Mennonites with a continuous flow of schmaunt fat while they sleep. Local man Dale Broesky […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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