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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

‘Hands that Have Prepared It’ Feel Extra Blessed

April 18, 2018 Andrew

AYLMER, ON Mrs. Jansen’s hands are finally starting to feel the effects of having been blessed so often during the years. Thanks to Grandpa Jansen’s rote Sunday lunch prayer, which always included the line, “bless […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Charged with Distracted Driving for Knacking Zoat Behind the Wheel

April 6, 2018 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Local man Colin Peters, 41, is facing distracted driving charges after being spotted by Altona police with a bag of Ronnie’s Original Jumbo Sunflower Seeds in one hand and the steering wheel in […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Embarks on New Career After a Weekend of Gorging on Oma’s Cooking

April 2, 2018 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Local man Billy Fehr has decided to quit his job at the Leamington ketchup factory to pursue his lifelong dream of becoming a professional sumo wrestler. Fehr said he made his decision after […]

Unger & Thirst

Grandkids Still Reluctant to Go Anywhere Near Grandma’s Plumi Moos

March 29, 2018 Andrew

REINLAND, MB The unveiling of Grandma’s famous Easter plumi moos this Sunday sent Little Erika and Paul Brandt running for the hills and screaming at the top of their lungs. Erika, 4, and Paul, 6, […]

Unger & Thirst

Adorable Mennonite Child Becomes Millionaire Selling Chocolates to Old People

March 25, 2018 Andrew

SOUTH BLUMENORT, MB 6-year-old Anna Berg of South Blumenort has become the region’s latest millionaire after selling a record number of chocolate-covered almonds to area seniors. While Mennonites have the reputation for being rather frugal, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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