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Unger & Thirst

Unger & Thirst

Zwieback Added to Periodic Table of Elements

November 4, 2018 Andrew

ZURICH, SWITZERLAND The International Union of Pure and Applied Chemistry has decided they’ve given up on mercury and decided to replace element 80 with the dry Mennonite bread known has zwieback. “It’s one of the […]

Unger & Thirst

Caf-Lib a Top Seller at Hip New Mennonite Coffee Shop

November 2, 2018 Andrew

REICHENBACH, MB Villagers in a small Mennonite town have been flocking to a new hip coffee shop called Oma’s Java Barn to get their hands on a cup of Oma’s delicious coffee substitute. “They can’t […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Breaks Five Teeth on Oma’s Rock Hard Papanat

November 1, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local man Dick Brandt underwent emergency dental surgery this week after cracking four molars and an incisor on Oma Brandt’s notorious rock hard päpanät. “Diewel, Oma’s päpanät are hard yet,” exclaimed Mr. Brandt, […]

Unger & Thirst

Italian Canadians Object to Trudeau’s New Carbonara Tax

October 29, 2018 Andrew

TORONTO, ON There is growing opposition in Canada’s Italian population to the Trudeau government’s proposed ‘Carbonara Tax.’ According to experts, the new tax, will affect millions of Italians and lovers of Italian food across the […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Daredevil to Consume Pickles and Milk Together

October 28, 2018 Andrew

RANDOLPH, MB Local man Joel Toews, 23, is known throughout Randolph (nee Chortitz) for his reckless abandon and death-defying stunts. But his most impressive stunt is yet to come as, this weekend, Joel will be […]

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