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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Manitoba Pastor to Run His Church from Sunny Costa Rica

January 29, 2017 Andrew

SANTA TERESA, COSTA RICA Rev. Benjamin Penner, who was recently appointed pastor of the largest Mennonite church in Manitoba, says he plans to spend much of his time at his Costa Rican vacation home. “I’ll come back […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Pays Tithe in Chickens

January 26, 2017 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Local farmer Peter Funk showed up to church this past Sunday with a pick-up truck of plucked and processed chickens ready to be thrown in the offering plate. “I was a little behind on […]

Unger Conviction

Hymn 606 to Undergo Major Overhaul

January 25, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN After dozens of complaints that the same old Hymn 606 just wasn’t cutting it anymore, the Mennonite Church has decided to dramatically overhaul the lyrics and melody of the famous hymn. “People were just […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Signs Pastor to Massive 30-Year $1.2 Million Contract

January 18, 2017 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Free agent pastor Dave Hiebert has just inked a 30-year contract extension with the West Morden Mennonite Church. The new record-setting contract is reportedly worth close to $1.2 million spread out over the […]

Unger Conviction

Calvinist Spies Hack Mennonite Church Board Election

January 16, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN After the surprise election of abrasive and unlikable church member Hans Yoder to the elder board, rumours are spreading that a group of subversive Calvinists have interfered in the election. “There’s just no […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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