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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Shaves Beard into Goatee to Become Youth Pastor

April 24, 2017 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Local man Peter Berg of Morden has recently shaved his full manly beard into a goatee in preparation for his new job as youth pastor of the South Morden Brethren Church. “You can’t […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Caught on Facebook During Church Service

April 23, 2017 Andrew

ROSENORT, MB Local woman, Mrs. Doris P. Sawatzky, 51, of the Rosenort area was caught posting pictures of cats on Facebook at 11:05 AM this past Sunday, which was right in the middle of Pastor […]

Unger Conviction

Anabaptist Seminary Graduates a Record Five Calvinists

April 22, 2017 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN The 2017 graduating class at South Goshen Mennonite Seminary has graduated a record number of Calvinists this year. “I must say, it’s been an upward trend toward Calvinism in the last few years,” […]

Unger Conviction

Hip New Church Bulletin Goes All Comic Sans

April 9, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB The Winkler MCEMB Church board voted 6-1 to approve the use of a hip new font on their church bulletins called ‘Comic Sans.’ “We’re expecting big crowds at our services from now on,” […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Excommunicated for Switching to John Deere

March 27, 2017 Andrew

WARMAN, SK Local flax grower, Dwight Schultz, was excommunicated from the MEMC Church this past Sunday after he refused to submit to church authority and replace his John Deere tractor with a Massey Ferguson. “We […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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