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Unger & Thirst

Craft Beer Snob Ruins Church Men’s Fishing Weekend By Bringing Nothing But Really Bitter IPAs

June 28, 2019 Andrew

LAKE OF THE WOODS, MN After the disaster this past weekend, the church men of Mountain Lake, Minnesota will no longer invite 25-year-old college student and pastor’s son Dylan on their fishing trips. The group […]

Unger Conviction

Congregation Shocked as Guitarist Snaps a G String

June 25, 2019 Andrew

SALEM, OR Parishioners at the South Salem Mennonite Church were in shock this last week after song leader and guitarist Miss Horsch lost her G string right in the middle of “10,000 Reasons.” “I’ve never […]

Unger Conviction

Long Lost Hymn 606 Discovered on Page 118

June 10, 2019 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA Mennonites are in celebration this week after a beloved hymn has been uncovered in a little used section of the hymnal. After a decade long investigation into the whereabouts of Hymn 606, investigators […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor Does ‘The Dab’ During Responsive Reading

June 4, 2019 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Pastor Hoffstetter thoroughly embarrassed his teenage children this week after doing ‘the dab’ during Sunday morning’s responsive reading. “I just wanted to lighten the mood a little,” explained Hoffstetter. “Sometimes the readings are […]

Unger Conviction

Local Couple Finds Themselves Completely Alone in Church on May Long Weekend

May 19, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The Fehrs walked into church this Sunday and found that there were the only couple in the entire congregation who didn’t go to Grand Forks for the weekend. “At first I was like, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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