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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Promises His Monthly Tithe is in the Mail

December 1, 2024 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON When area man Garth Bueckert missed his monthly tithe this Sunday, Pastor Dave hauled him into the office for a friendly little chat. “So, Garth, I see we didn’t get your payment this […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor to Enact 25% Tithe on First Day in Office

November 26, 2024 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Pastor David, whose name was recently pulled from the hat this past week, has threatened to enact a whopping 25% tithe starting his first day in office this January. “No more of this […]

Unger Conviction

Deceased Man Has No Idea His Funeral Being Used for Fire and Brimstone Altar Call

November 2, 2024 Andrew

EBENHORST, SK A deceased Mennonite man from Ebenhorst has absolutely no clue his death and funeral is being used as an excuse by zealous young pastor Jim to emotionally manipulate the audience towards repentance. “Hey, […]

Unger Conviction

Divine Intervention? Really Long Train Prevents Mennonite Couple from Entering the City

October 18, 2024 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB The really freakin’ long train on Marion Street last night was seen as a sign of divine intervention by the Ungers of Blumenort. “Ugh, I guess we’re not supposed to go to that […]

Unger Conviction

Long-winded Mennonite Pastor Blamed for Burnt Sunday Roast

September 29, 2024 Andrew

CHILLIWACK, BC Pastor Dan has been called before the church elder board this week after a particularly long-winded sermon led to the destruction of more than a dozen Sunday roasts this past weekend. “Mrs. Kroeker […]

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