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Unger Conviction

Unger Conviction

Magnus Carlsen Booted Out of Church for Wearing Jeans

December 30, 2024 Andrew

WATERTOWN, NY Norwegian chess superstar Magnus Carlsen had decided to try his hand at a Dutch Blitz tournament up in Watertown, New York this week, when he realized his attire was not suitable for the […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Sings So Beautifully Out Her Nose

December 27, 2024 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON Mrs. Brandt had the congregation in silent awe this week with her stirring rendition on “Oh Little Town of Bethlehem” which she managed to sing completely through her nose without ever opening her […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonites Praying for Snow Day So They Can Miss Church Tomorrow

December 8, 2024 Andrew

CALGARY, AB With snow beginning to accumulate on Saturday evening, Mennonites across southern Alberta were hoping for a snow day on Sunday morning. “Oh would you look at that coming down,” said Dave Krahn of […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Promises His Monthly Tithe is in the Mail

December 1, 2024 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON When area man Garth Bueckert missed his monthly tithe this Sunday, Pastor Dave hauled him into the office for a friendly little chat. “So, Garth, I see we didn’t get your payment this […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Pastor to Enact 25% Tithe on First Day in Office

November 26, 2024 Andrew

LINDEN, AB Pastor David, whose name was recently pulled from the hat this past week, has threatened to enact a whopping 25% tithe starting his first day in office this January. “No more of this […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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