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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man Buys Back All the Albums He Was Forced to Burn in the 70s

August 10, 2026 Andrew

SWIFT CURRENT, SK It’s taken him more than four decades, but local music fan Steve Goosen has finally re-purchased all the albums he tossed on the bonfire at that fateful youth retreat back in 1979. […]

Unger Suspicion

Reitmans Introduces New ‘Angine de Poitrine’ Line

August 9, 2026 Andrew

MONTREAL, QUEBEC In an effort to appeal to a younger hipper audience, Canadian clothing retailer Reitmans has recently introduced a new Angine de Poitrine line of polka-dotted blouses and skirts. “I never knew Reitmans was […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Fill Copper Wire Shortage By Stretching Pennies

August 8, 2026 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A recent rash of copper wire thefts has left a huge shortage in the community of Winkler, which has thankfully been filled by a dedicated team of Mennonite volunteers. “We’ve been stretching pennies […]

The Daily Bonnet

Steinbach Unveils New Public Transit System

August 5, 2026 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The long wait is over as the City of Steinbach has finally unveiled a new ten year plan to improve the growing community’s public transportation infrastructure. The plan includes the licensing of guys […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Grandma Punishes Grandkids By Making Them Chew Thrills Gum

August 4, 2026 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Local grandma Mrs. Agnes Wiebe, 72, unleashed the harshest punishment known to Mennonites this week by making her misbehaving grandkids chew a piece of soap-flavoured Thrills gum for a full fifteen minutes. “I […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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