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Articles by Andrew

Unger Games

Alex Rodriguez To Bring Disgrace to Baseball One Last Time Today

August 12, 2016 Andrew

NEW YORK, NY After a long storied career as baseball’s most notable scumbag, convicted cheater Alex Rodriguez will hang up his cleats on Friday, as fans gather at Yankee Stadium to say “good riddance” to professional […]

The Daily Bonnet

Michelle Sawatzky Wins Olympic Gold in Radio Broadcasting

August 10, 2016 Andrew

RIO DE JANEIRO, BRAZIL AM1250 radio personality Michelle Sawatzky, who parlayed her mid-90s Olympic volleyball career into southeast Manitoba radio success, has just secured a gold medal for Canada in the inaugural Radio Broadcasting competition. […]

Unger Suspicion

Bono Vows to Fight the Abes Epidemic in Winkler

August 9, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Famed rock singer and humanitarian Bono met with Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau this past week to encourage the leader to do something about the Abes epidemic in the small Mennonite city of […]

Unger & Thirst

Vacant Safeway Store to Become One Massive Tim Hortons

August 8, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Empty since being purchased and shut down by national grocery chain Sobey’s, the old Safeway store in Steinbach is rumoured to be turned into Canada’s largest Tim Hortons restaurant. “There already is a […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandma Rescued After Literally Knitting Herself Into a Corner

August 7, 2016 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON Martha Toews, 91, of Kitchener was rescued by emergency personnel this weekend from her apartment at Greenhaven Manor after she had inadvertently knitted herself into a corner that she could not escape. “That’s […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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