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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Renowned Mennonite Scholar Unable To Locate Car In Parking Lot

October 21, 2016 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA World-renowned expert on the Anabaptist exegesis of the synoptic Gospels, Dr. Dirk W. Thiessen, is always able to find minute errors in the works cited pages of undergraduate papers, but was unable to locate […]

Unger Conviction

College and Career Glow Bowling Event Results in Record Number of Hook-Ups

October 20, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local College and Career leaders are excited about the significant increase in young men and women hooking-up after a recent glow-bowling event. “It’s really nice to see relationships form like that. That’s what this group is […]

The Daily Bonnet

Lonely Planet Releases 600-page Guide to Blumenort

October 19, 2016 Andrew

BLUMENORT, MB Just in time for the winter tourist season when snowbirds flock to Blumenort to bask in the sunshine and nearby gravel pits, Lonely Planet has released an extensive guide book to the small […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Lady Claims Annual Quilt Auction is ‘Rigged’

October 19, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB After failing to get the winning bid at the last five church quilt auctions, Mrs. Donna Toews, 71, of Altona is now claiming that the whole system is rigged. “I’ve got evidence – I […]

The Daily Bonnet

Bible Study Turns Into Multi-Level Marketing Pitch

October 19, 2016 Andrew

GROSSWEIDE, MB After a quick reading of Psalms 23 and a ten second opportunity for “prayer requests,” Bible study leader Phillip Broesky managed to transform the meeting into a multi-level marketing pitch. “I was kind […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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