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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Grandma Still Thinks ‘Danny Orlis’ Books Make Great Birthday Presents

September 27, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local grandmother Eleanor Loewen, 77, is the last person on earth who still insists on gifting her grandkids Danny Orlis books every single birthday.  The series by Bernard Palmer features a godly and wholesome […]

Unger Conviction

100 Million Viewers Expected to Watch Tonight’s Televised Mennonite Elder Board Meeting

September 26, 2016 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA CNN is expecting record viewership tonight as it plans for the first ever live broadcast of a Mennonite elder board meeting. “Some people haven’t been paying attention to the current Mennonite election cycle and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Former Resident Longs to Smell Steinbach Feed Mill One More Time

September 26, 2016 Andrew

PHOENIX, AZ Retired school bus driver Vern L. Toews enjoys his new life in sunny Phoenix, Arizona, but says there are a few things about living in Steinbach that he misses. On the top of […]

The Daily Bonnet

New Mennonite Police Force to Shun Criminals

September 25, 2016 Andrew

FREEDOMVILLE, PA A troubled American city with a history of conflict between police and civilians has decided to try out a new law enforcement and public relations strategy: replace the existing police force with unarmed pacifist […]

The Daily Bonnet

Menno Simons Donates ‘Gently Used’ Items to New Steinbach Hardware Store

September 24, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB 16th century Anabaptist leader Menno Simons made an appearance at a new Steinbach hardware store this week to donate some ‘gently used’ items he no longer had use for. Among the items he […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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