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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

City of Winkler to Abandon the Metric System in Favour of Ice Cream Pail Method

July 4, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Beginning this fall, residents of Winkler will be forced to measure everything in the traditional Mennonite manner – the ice cream pail. In a 5-2 vote, Winkler city council decided to ban the […]

Unger & Thirst

Banquet-Goers Wowed By Yet Another Chicken Kiev Meal

July 3, 2016 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Long a staple of corporate banquets, graduation dinners, and wedding receptions, attendees at a Winnipeg retirement banquet on Monday were wowed by the impressive chicken Kiev dish they received. “When I looked down […]

Unger Suspicion

Legendary Hip-Hop Group Run EMC to Reunite for Annual Church Convention

July 2, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Delegates at the Evangelical Mennonite Conference convention this week will be in for a real treat, as legendary hip-hop act Run EMC is set to perform after Sunday faspa. “We’re really looking forward […]

Unger Suspicion

Canadians Gather to Celebrate 149 Years of Not Being America

July 1, 2016 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Patriotic Canadians across the country will gather today to celebrate a really long time of not being the United States of America. “Canadians are a completely distinct culture. We have, like, slightly different […]

The Daily Bonnet

Editorial: Should Steinbach Separate From Canada?

June 30, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB I’ve taken a break from scrolling Tinder while my wife is at Superstore to talk to you about values. Yes, values. I mean the traditional Mennonite values of free-market ‘every man for himself’ capitalism, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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