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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Man Sparks Family Feud After Mowing His Lawn on a Sunday

September 28, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local man William ‘Devil Anse’ Friesen incited the wrath of the neighbouring Loewen family after mowing his lawn on a lovely Sunday afternoon. “Us Loewens never did like those Friesens,” said family matriarch and […]

The Daily Bonnet

The Daily Bonnet Announces the Worst Contest Ever!

September 27, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Like and share this post to be entered into a draw for a used copy of Danny Orlis Goes to School that the Daily Bonnet purchased for $0.25 from the Steinbach MCC store. The […]

The Daily Bonnet

Grandma Still Thinks ‘Danny Orlis’ Books Make Great Birthday Presents

September 27, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local grandmother Eleanor Loewen, 77, is the last person on earth who still insists on gifting her grandkids Danny Orlis books every single birthday.  The series by Bernard Palmer features a godly and wholesome […]

Unger Conviction

100 Million Viewers Expected to Watch Tonight’s Televised Mennonite Elder Board Meeting

September 26, 2016 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA CNN is expecting record viewership tonight as it plans for the first ever live broadcast of a Mennonite elder board meeting. “Some people haven’t been paying attention to the current Mennonite election cycle and […]

The Daily Bonnet

Former Resident Longs to Smell Steinbach Feed Mill One More Time

September 26, 2016 Andrew

PHOENIX, AZ Retired school bus driver Vern L. Toews enjoys his new life in sunny Phoenix, Arizona, but says there are a few things about living in Steinbach that he misses. On the top of […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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