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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Breaks His Vow of Pacifism to Defend the Last Can of Pepsi

October 16, 2016 Andrew

HILLSBORO, KS Centuries of non-violent Anabaptist teaching were tossed under the proverbial bus today as Mr. Thomas W. Koop of Hillsboro, Kansas assaulted fifteen innocent people in order to defend his right to the last […]

Unger & Thirst

Court Rules that Mennonites Are Allowed to Keep Their Masks on in the Liquor Store

October 15, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB A Steinbach judge ruled today in favour of religious freedom, allowing Mennonites to wear full facial masks in “potentially embarrassing” public places like the liquor store or casino. “I’m pleased with the decision,” […]

The Daily Bonnet

Poll: Vote Now to Decide the Name of Steinbach’s Newest Park!

October 14, 2016 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The Steinbach recreation committee is asking residents to select the name for a giant new park to be built next spring in the centre of town. After receiving nominations from people throughout Steinbach, the […]

Unger & Thirst

Altona Woman Gets Permit to Use ‘Medicinal Dill Weed’

October 13, 2016 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Altona residents were ecstatic this week after a federal court struck down a ban on the medicinal use of dill weed that had been in place since the late 1960s. “There are so many recipes in the […]

Unger Conviction

Winkler Church Raises Money to Send Missionaries to Morden

October 11, 2016 Andrew

WINKLER, MB They may only be ten minutes apart by car, but the twin cities of Winkler and Morden are worlds apart when it comes to wild living and lite beer drinking. In order to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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