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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Team of Paraguayan Mennonites Defeats Canadian National Soccer Team

May 23, 2017 Andrew

ASUNCION, PARAGUAY A group of guys from the Fernheim Colony, Paraguay took on the Canadian men’s national soccer team in Asuncion this past week and came away with a resounding five to nil victory. The […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Mom Doesn’t Realize Her Son’s a Hipster

May 23, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Despite her son showing obvious signs for more than three years now, local mom Dorothy Lepp, 47, still has absolutely no clue her son Aaron is a committed hipster. “When I asked if […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man’s Long List of Chores Still Not Done

May 22, 2017 Andrew

REGINA, SK At the end of the day on Monday, local family man Menno Peters, 47, was still nowhere near to being finished the long list of chores given to him by his wife Anne […]

The Daily Bonnet

Chaos Erupts After Pooper Scooper is Confused for BBQ Tongs

May 22, 2017 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Chaos erupted at the Loewen family BBQ at Prince’s Island Park this weekend when the bbq tongs were mixed up with the dog’s pooper scooper. “I’m not sure how it happened, but somehow the […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Man Claims ‘Prophetic Gift’ After Predicting Rain this May Long Weekend

May 21, 2017 Andrew

MITCHELL, MB Local man Andrew R. Penner has declared himself a prophet of God after he accurately predicted there would be heavy rain this Victoria Day long weekend. “See, look, I told you so,” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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