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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Arrested at Border for Possession of Poppyseed Cake

April 12, 2017 Andrew

EMERSON, MB Local woman, Mrs. Schultz, 81, of the Altona area was arrested on charges of narcotic smuggling after she left a Tupperware container of her famous poppyseed cake in the back seat of her […]

Unger Suspicion

Canada Geese Return Home Just to Shit All Over It

April 12, 2017 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Millions of Canada geese, that beloved symbol of all that is good and decent about our fair country, have returned home this week to completely shit over absolutely everything. “The purpose of these geese […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites! Come Join the Glorious Nation of North Korea!

April 11, 2017 Andrew

PYONGYANG, NORTH KOREA The Daily Bonnet is now under the control of the Democratic People’s Republic of Korea and we require that all Mennonites turn from their ways and commit themselves to Kim Jong-un. Based on our […]

Uncategorized

Albertans Gladly ‘Render Unto Notley What is Notley’s’

April 11, 2017 Andrew

EDMONTON, AB Three months after Alberta Premier Rachel Notley introduced a new carbon tax in the oil rich province, millions of Albertans have responded with unprecedented positivity that pundits have described as “remarkably Christlike.” “We’re seeing a […]

Unger & Thirst

Check Out These Wacky Mennonite Dishes Inspired by the Daily Bonnet

April 10, 2017 Andrew

Back in February, the Daily Bonnet posted an article entitled ‘Ten Epic Mennonite Dishes We Wish Were Real‘. We never imagined that these dishes could or would actually be created. Well, a few creative Daily Bonnet […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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