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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Body Odour to be Bottled and Sold as ‘Eau de Menno’ Cologne

February 12, 2017 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON The body odour of dozens of hard-working Mennonite men has been extracted using a special process and been used to create a brand new cologne, which will be marketed and sold as Eau […]

The Daily Bonnet

Single Uncle Elmer Refuses to Date Women Who Wear Pants

February 11, 2017 Andrew

NEWTON, KS Uncle Elmer Jansen, 71, has been single his whole life for a variety of reasons, not the least of which is his absolute refusal to date women who wear pants or “Satan’s slacks” […]

Unger Suspicion

Brad Wall Wins Award as Canada’s ‘Best Mennonite Premier’

February 10, 2017 Andrew

REGINA, SK The competition was fierce this year at the annual Mennonite Premiers Competition, but when the final scores were tallied, Saskatchewan’s Brad Wall was declared the winner. “Basically we put the Premiers through a […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church Hires First Non-Yoder Pastor

February 9, 2017 Andrew

ELKHART, IN Among the Mennonite congregations of Pennsylvania, Ohio, and Indiana, few family names have become as synonymous with producing quality pastors as Yoder. Now that tradition has been thrown by the wayside, as Northside […]

Unger Conviction

Special Number is Not All That Special

February 8, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB Every time the Friesen sisters come up to the front to do their zany rendition of ‘Power in the Blood’ congregants of East Altona Brethren Church are left questioning what exactly was so […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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