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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman to Become ‘Unequally Yoked’ With Lutheran Man

February 15, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB The Penner and Richter families are pleased to announce the unequal yoking of their children Amanda and Paul this spring. The engagement was announced at a recent Penner family gathering to the sheer […]

The Daily Bonnet

With the Kids at Grandma’s Tonight, Mennonite Couple Finally Gets a Chance to Play Scrabble

February 14, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Mennonite couples across southern Manitoba are planning to celebrate Valentine’s Day the only way they know how: by playing Scrabble. “It’ll be nice to have some time to ourselves for once. We’ve sent […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Lady to Spend the Evening Reading Amish Romance Books

February 14, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local spinster Annie Goertzen, 51, will spend a romantic evening alone tonight snuggling up on her sofa with a glass of dealcoholized wine, half a Toblerlone bar, and an Amish romance book. “These […]

Unger Suspicion

Larry Norman Updates Song: “Why Doesn’t the Devil Have Any Good Music?”

February 12, 2017 Andrew

LOS ANGELES, CA In 1972, pioneering Christian rock artist Larry Norman posed the question: “Why Should the Devil Have All the Good Music?” After viewing the abysmal state of contemporary music at the 2017 Grammy […]

The Daily Bonnet

Body Odour to be Bottled and Sold as ‘Eau de Menno’ Cologne

February 12, 2017 Andrew

KITCHENER, ON The body odour of dozens of hard-working Mennonite men has been extracted using a special process and been used to create a brand new cologne, which will be marketed and sold as Eau […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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