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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Mennonites Overwhelmingly Prefer Adam West to Any Other Batman

June 11, 2017 Andrew

ANAHEIM, CA Being sensible and civilized people, Mennonites across North America have expressed an overwhelming preference for the late Adam West’s version of Batman. A recent survey showed that 91% of Mennonites chose Adam West […]

The Daily Bonnet

Winkler Manitoba to Honour City Founder ‘Fonzie’

June 10, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER, MB A 50-metre statue of Happy Days star Henry Winkler is set for construction right across the four-lane highway from Southland Mall in Winkler, Manitoba. “It was about darn time. As Mennonites, it’s very […]

The Daily Bonnet

Courageous Local Man Arrives on Job Site in Japanese Truck

June 10, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Local flooring installer Daniel Dick of Steinbach pulled up to the construction site on Tuesday in a 1983 Datsun 720 crew cab, the sight of which caused considerable laughter among his GMC, Chevy […]

Unger Conviction

Calgary Church Threatens to Leave Town Unless Government Pays for Massive New Building

June 9, 2017 Andrew

CALGARY, AB Cowtown Brethren, a nominally-Mennonite Church located in downtown Calgary on the Bow River, is threatening to relocate the entire congregation to Quebec City unless the Alberta government ponies up the funds to build a massive […]

Unger & Thirst

Coca-Cola Adds Mennonite Names to Bottles

June 8, 2017 Andrew

ATLANTA, GA According to tradition, the preferred cola of Mennonites has always been Pepsi (accompanied by a Ravel bar). In an effort to win over some of the Mennonite market share, Coca-Cola has recently introduced a series […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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