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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Mom Discovers Hidden Stash of ‘Preservings’ Magazine Under Teen Son’s Mattress

December 7, 2017 Andrew

NORTH KILDONAN, MB Mrs. Mary Loewen of North Kildonan was just going about her daily chores when she discovered a half dozen copies of the ‘Preservings’ journal underneath her son Adam’s mattress. “Oba! Looks like […]

Unger Suspicion

What Happens When a Mennonite Replies to an Email Scammer? (This is for Real)

December 6, 2017 Andrew

A while ago I watched a TED Talk by James Veitch, which documents what happened when he replied to a spam email offering him the opportunity for riches beyond compare if only he would provide some […]

Unger Games

IOC Bans Mennonites from 2018 Winter Olympics

December 6, 2017 Andrew

PYEONGCHANG, SOUTH KOREA The International Olympic Committee announced on Tuesday that Mennonites “and other Anabaptists” will be banned from competing in the 2018 Pyeongchang Winter Olympics. The IOC believes that schmaunt fat and formavorcht give […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Couple Overstays Welcome By Two Years

December 5, 2017 Andrew

ALTONA, MB The Klippensteins of Friedensfield showed up uninvited at the Giesbrecht family home in Altona for a dinner party in the fall of 2015 and have finally decided to leave after Mrs. Edna Giesbrecht […]

Unger Suspicion

Conspiracy Nut Launches Rocket to Prove Steinbach is Flat

December 4, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Dwight P. Funk, president of the Flat Steinbach Society, is planning a manned-mission to space in order to “prove once and for all that Steinbach is flat.” So far he has raised more […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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