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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Man Subsists Entirely on Free Hot Dogs

September 18, 2017 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB For more than thirty years, local man Mr. F. Wiens has been a fixture at free hot dog giveaways across the Hanover area. From grand openings to open houses and church picnics to […]

The Daily Bonnet

Province to Enforce Demilitarized Zone Between Morden and Winkler

September 17, 2017 Andrew

WINKLER-MORDEN, MB In order to ease tensions in the region, a mile-wide demilitarized zone has been established between the twin Mennonite cities of Morden and Winkler. The Pembina Valley DMZ will act as a buffer […]

Unger & Thirst

A Calorie Guide to Mennonite Cooking

September 16, 2017 Andrew

In the days before we became lazy and assimilated, Mennonites wouldn’t concern themselves with such things. We worked hard all day on the farm, where we could easily sweat out even the very fattiest of […]

Unger Suspicion

Hutterite Colony Selected as New Amazon Headquarters

September 15, 2017 Andrew

RIDGE STREAM COLONY, AB After months of meticulous research, Amazon has made it’s decision. The online shopping giant announced today that their new headquarters will be set up on a small Hutterite colony in southern […]

Quizzes

Only 1 in 100 Mennonites Can Solve This Math Problem. Can You?

September 14, 2017 Andrew

Oba, when I was still in my training overalls Taunte Helen tried to teach me the maths, but I yust couldn’t figure it out yet. Even when the smartest boy in school, Obrom ‘Fuela‘ Kornelson, […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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