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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

5 Things Mennonites Can Watch Instead of the Super Bowl

February 4, 2018 Andrew

The Daily Bonnet has teamed up with our friends over at Mennotoba to create this list of viewing alternatives to the Super Bowl. So while all your frintschoft are in the living room pretending to […]

Unger Suspicion

‘O Canada’ to Be Replaced with Crash Test Dummies Lyrics

February 4, 2018 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON After a week long public consultation process that included chatting with random dudes on the Internet, Ottawa has decided to update the national anthem for the 21st century by using lyrics from a […]

Unger & Thirst

Buns Discovered in Mennonite Grandma’s Freezer Carbon Date to 5 Million Years Old

February 3, 2018 Andrew

TABER, AB A bag full of frozen raisin buns discovered at the back of Grandma Wiebe’s freezer this past week were taken to a University of Alberta laboratory to undergo rigorous scientific testing including carbon […]

The Daily Bonnet

Peace Talks in Winkler-Morden Move Toward ‘Two-State Solution’

February 2, 2018 Andrew

OCCUPIED MORDEN TERRITORY, MB After decades of tension between the neighbouring Pembina Valley communities, representatives from Morden and Winkler have sat down at the negotiating table in Walhalla, North Dakota with hopes of bringing lasting […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Confesses to Photoshopping Church Directory Photos

February 1, 2018 Andrew

GOESSEL, KS Mrs. Penner, 83, of Goessel has been responsible for compiling the EMB church directory for more than thirty years and, so far, everyone had been quite satisfied with her work. A little too […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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