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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Stubborn Mennonite Man Refuses to Change Dead Bulb

March 24, 2018 Andrew

GOSHEN, IN A 40 watt lightbulb that burned out in March 1987 has remained in the ceiling of a Goshen area home for more than thirty years after Mr. Hochstetter, 69, adamantly refused to change […]

Unger & Thirst

Rhubarb-Flavoured Vaping All the Rage in Mennonite Country

March 23, 2018 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Mennonites across the Pembina Valley have been swapping out their cigarettes and yerba tea for rhubarb-flavoured e-cigarettes. Health officials, however, worry the trend might catch on with non-smokers as well. “Oba, when they […]

Unger & Thirst

Wild Night Ensues After Mennonite Woman Spikes Schoofly Pie

March 23, 2018 Andrew

LANCASTER, PA Mrs. Miller’s rum-soaked schoofly pie was a big hit at the church coffee and dessert event this past Sunday, as Mennonite seniors went back for seconds, thirds, and, in some cases, even fourths. […]

Unger Suspicion

A Do-it-Yourselfers Guide to Selecting and Constructing the Perfect Border Wall

March 22, 2018 Andrew

Spring is the perfect time to think about upcoming projects around the house. Whether it’s restaining the deck or sweeping out the garage, I’m sure your list is pretty long. But there’s one item that […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Pickle Juice Used to Preserve Vladimir Lenin’s Body

March 21, 2018 Andrew

MOSCOW, RUSSIA The body of Soviet dictator Vladimir Lenin has been preserved in a Moscow mausoleum since his death in 1924. While many have speculated as to the methods used to keep the body in […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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