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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonites Caught Smuggling Dirty Rubber Boots Across the Border

June 19, 2018 Andrew

WINDSOR, ON A Canadian Mennonite family has been detained at the Windsor-Detroit border this afternoon after the Canadian border officer spotted Mr. Friesen’s dirty rubber boots and suspected their might be a problem. “How long […]

The Daily Bonnet

A List of Incredible Mennonite Superpowers

June 19, 2018 Andrew

While any just ordinary Mennonite can drain a swamp, milk a cow, or shoe a horse, only a rare few have these amazing superpowers. How many do you possess? Teleportation: The ability of Mennonite moms […]

Unger & Thirst

24 Hours Later, Dad is Still Going Back for “Just One More Plate”

June 18, 2018 Andrew

STEINBACH, MB Sunday, June 17 was the 2018 Manitoba Marathon, an event where Mennonite dads compete to see who can make the most return visits to refill their plates with vereniki and schmaunt fat at […]

Unger & Thirst

How to Get That Perfect Mennonite ‘Dad Bod’ You Always Wanted

June 17, 2018 Andrew

Shocking as the results may be, surveys suggest the majority of women prefer a ‘Dad bod’ to a more well-sculpted physique. Therefore, in an effort to kindle some romance this summer, The Daily Bonnet has […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Church Awarded Their Very Own Chicken Chef Franchise

June 16, 2018 Andrew

KLEINSCHANTZ, MB The MB church in the tiny Mennonite village of Kleinschantz has been awarded their very own Chicken Chef franchise, which will begin operation in the church basement this fall. “Oba, our vary own […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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