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Articles by Andrew

Unger Suspicion

Sad Lonely Canadian Man Still Watching Hockey for Some Reason

May 1, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON Darrel Schmidt, 41, of Toronto is still “really into” the NHL playoffs despite the fact that any real reason to follow hockey ended sometime last week. “After the Maple Leafs are out and […]

Unger & Thirst

New Bothwell Resident Arrested for Putting Processed Cheese on His Burger

April 30, 2019 Andrew

NEW BOTHWELL, MB Local man Mr. P_________________, has been arrested and arraigned on charges of failing to use Bothwell cheese at a BBQ this week. “Not only was he not using the best cheese in […]

Unger Suspicion

Mennonite College Student Faints with Excitement at Hauerwas Lecture

April 29, 2019 Andrew

VANCOUVER, BC Thousands of die hard Stanley Hauerwas fans packed BC Place Stadium this week to hear the famed theologian give an hour long public lecture. The crowd was so excited to see the Resident Aliens-author […]

The Daily Bonnet

Dating Mennonite Couple Solidify Relationship By Sharing Co-op Number

April 28, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Corny Wall of Winkler shared with Co-op number with his girlfriend Aganetha this week, a gesture that has sent rumours through the community. “I wouldn’t be surprised if one of these Sunday’s after […]

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Man is Expanding Faster and is a Billion Years Younger than Previously Thought

April 27, 2019 Andrew

DALMENY, SK Scientists at the University of Dalmeny have discovered new evidence that suggests that Elder Voth is between 12.5 billion and 13 billion years old, rather than 13.6 billion as previously thought. “We’ve also […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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