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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Mistakes MLCC for MCC

June 11, 2019 Andrew

WINKLER, MB Local woman Mrs. Froese just moved to town from Jantsied and decided to spend her Saturday afternoon running a few errands. “I asked Mrs. Penner where yet is the Em See See and […]

Unger Conviction

Long Lost Hymn 606 Discovered on Page 118

June 10, 2019 Andrew

HARRISONBURG, VA Mennonites are in celebration this week after a beloved hymn has been uncovered in a little used section of the hymnal. After a decade long investigation into the whereabouts of Hymn 606, investigators […]

Unger Suspicion

Seven Ways the Canadian Senate is Just Like Your Mennonite Elder Board

June 9, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON Ahh, the Canadian Senate, a collection of old irrelevant out-of-touch people who somehow have the power to make decisions around here…oh, wait, are we talking about the elder board? Well, there are some […]

Unger Suspicion

Toronto Raptors Hire New Trajchtmoaka

June 8, 2019 Andrew

TORONTO, ON After witnessing the incredible healing powers of his touch, hip-hop superstar and NBA megafan Drake has been hired by the Toronto Raptors as official team trajchtmoaka. “It’s a new position for us. Something […]

The Daily Bonnet

Humble Mennonites Really Proud to Finally Have Their Own Week

June 7, 2019 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON In a near unanimous vote on May 29, the government of Canada announced the creation of a new week to honour the nation’s most proud humble residents, the Mennonites. “Not to brag or […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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