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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

Mennonite Woman “Wins the Lottery” After Mrs. Brubacher’s Clothes Blow into Her Yard

August 22, 2019 Andrew

HEIDELBERG, ON Mrs. Eby is feeling like she won the lottery this week after a particularly windy day blew all of Mrs. Brubacher’s clothes right into her yard. “This should keep the Ebys supplied all […]

Unger Suspicion

Mysterious Mennonite Man to Start for Green Bay Packers in Winnipeg Thursday

August 21, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Peter Wiebe’s cousin Kjnels from Swift Current Colony, Mexico will be starting for the Green Bay Packers as they face the Oakland Raiders in an exhibition match in Winnipeg Thursday night. “I can’t […]

Unger & Thirst

Local Woman Gains Ten Pounds Just By Looking at Mennonite Food

August 21, 2019 Andrew

GRUNTHAL, MB Local woman Patricia Redekop found herself a little heavier this afternoon after merely glancing at the Tupperware container of leftovers that Mrs. Kornelsen brought to work. “There were eight cottage cheese perogies and […]

The Daily Bonnet

The 5 Best ASMR Videos for Mennonites!

August 20, 2019 Andrew

What the schissjat is ASMR? Well, I’m not really sure, but my cousin says she gets a tingly feeling by watching some vid-yos on the YouTubes. I said, ‘Nah, Maria, it doesn’t give such’ but […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Woman Concerned She Might be Anglican

August 19, 2019 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB A young Mennonite woman from Winnipeg has been wondering lately whether it just might be that she’s actually an Anglican. Miss Enns, 23, started having Anglican thoughts a few years ago and has […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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