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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

“Buying Crackers is For Suckers!” Claims Mennonite Woman

November 19, 2019 Andrew

CARMAN,MB Local woman Mrs. Schellenberg, 68, of Carman has amassed a stockpile of more than 10,000 packages of Premium Plus crackers that she’s swiped from local restaurants over the past twenty years. “Buying crackers is […]

Quizzes

The Impossibly Difficult Mennonite Quiz!

November 18, 2019 Andrew

Alright, so I’ve heard I’ve been making these quizzes too easy or something and Oma Wiebe says some of you are getting a bit too proud. “They need to be taken down a notch,” says […]

Unger Conviction

Elders Warn that Morden, Manitoba is Full of ‘Aufjefollna’ Mennonites

November 17, 2019 Andrew

MORDEN, MB Cousin Pieta of Reinland was spotted cruising down the highway to Morden this past week and was immediately branded as ‘aufaulle‘ by the village purity committee. “Diestchlaund, that cousin Pieta, heading to Morden […]

The Daily Bonnet

Manitoba Family Still Smelling Strongly of Chlorine a Week After Grand Forks Visit

November 16, 2019 Andrew

GRAND FORKS, ND The Hieberts of Blumenort had a great time at the Come Hither Motor Hotel in Grand Forks last weekend, but are having trouble washing the smell of chlorine from their bodies nearly […]

The Daily Bonnet

“Mock us, please!” Pennsylvania Mennonites Demand Equal Treatment by the Daily Bonnet

November 15, 2019 Andrew

INTERCOURSE, PA Thousands of Pennsylvania Mennonites petitioned the Daily Bonnet this week to be “more inclusive” of their particular idiosyncrasies that they claim are just ripe for mockery. “That website is far too Canadian!” yelled […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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