Unger Games
CFL Unveils New Logo
TORONTO, ON After a series of highly popular rule changes this week, the Canadian Football League has unveiled a brand new logo modelled after Cracker Barrel. “We know how well that worked for them,” said […]
Articles by Andrew
Unger Conviction
Thrift Store Sees Huge Surge in Donations Thanks to Tomorrow’s Rapture
ALTONA, MB The local thrift store got a huge influx of margarine containers, old license plates, and Clorox bottles this week after local man, Dave Klassen, donated literally everything he owned. “The Internet says the […]
Unger the Influence
Bargain Hungry Mennonites Eager to Get Their Hands on Free Speech
INMAN, KS Mennonites across Kansas were stirred into a frenzy this week after they heard that speeches were now free. “Even the thrift store doesn’t have free speech like this,” said Mr. Janzen. “I’ve never […]
Unger Suspicion
67-year-old Mennonite Man Measures 6 7
MOUNTAIN LAKE, MN Area man Earl Klassen is celebrating his birthday this week by consuming 67 pieces of plautz. “How old are you, Earl?” said friend Dave. “Are you 60 …6 or is it 7?” […]
Unger the Influence
Trump Hires Mennonites to Shun Jimmy Kimmel
WASHINGTON, DC A team of Mennonites has been flown into Washington this week with the express purpose of shunning Jimmy Kimmel. “We’ve got them working around the clock. Frowny faces. Shaking their heads in disgust. […]