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Articles by Andrew

Unger & Thirst

Schmaunt Fat Soars to $100 a Barrel

March 10, 2026 Andrew

LEAMINGTON, ON When the Leamington Exchange ended trading on Monday, the price of schmaunt fat closed at a record high of $106.06 a barrel, smashing the previous record. As a result of soaring schmaunt fat […]

Unger & Thirst

McDonald’s CEO Reluctantly Tries New Vereniki Product

March 8, 2026 Andrew

CHICAGO, IL After testing out the product for several months in rural Saskatchewan, McDonald’s CEO Chris Kempczinski announced in a viral video this week that the The Big Pierogi would be rolling out in stores […]

Unger the Influence

Conservatives Vote to Reaffirm Party Leader Mark Carney

March 6, 2026 Andrew

OTTAWA, ON After a leadership review this week, the Conservative Party of Canada has overwhelmingly reaffirmed the leadership of Mark Carney. “He supports free trade, increased military spending, building pipelines, and supporting war with the […]

The Daily Bonnet

High Valley Fills Winnipeg Theatre Entirely with Rempels

March 5, 2026 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB La Crete, Alberta’s country superstars High Valley are currently travelling across Canada performing exclusively for various Rempels. “Every time I walk out onto the stage and look out into audience, all I see […]

The Daily Bonnet

World War III Finally Gives Mennonites the Chance to be Conscientious Objectors Again

March 4, 2026 Andrew

RIDING MOUNTAIN, MB More than two thousand young Mennonite men showed up at Riding Mountain National Park this week ready to join the World War III Conscientious Objector camp. “We haven’t had the chance to […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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