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Articles by Andrew

The Daily Bonnet

10 Amazing Facts About Mennonites According to the 2021 Census

February 12, 2022 Andrew

Statistics Canada has just released the results of the 2021 census and there are many startling revelations about the country’s Mennonite population. Let’s have a look! Average Mennonite net worth: 73 acres of flax and […]

Unger Suspicion

Is Justin Trudeau the Son of Menno Simons?

February 11, 2022 Andrew

WITMARSUM, NETHERLANDS New photographic evidence suggests Canadian Prime Minister Justin Trudeau just might be the son of early Anabaptist leader Menno Simons. “The eyebrows, the nose, the wavy hair, even the distance between his eyes […]

Unger Suspicion

Winnipeg Man Gets Out of Parking Ticket By Claiming He Was “Protesting”

February 10, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Local man Harold Dyck has just been granted a full pardon and solemn apology from the Premier after mistakenly been given a parking ticket when he was clearly “out there protesting injustice or […]

The Daily Bonnet

Truckers Now Honking in Fluent Plautdietsch

February 9, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Linguists at the University of Southern La Crete have finally uncovered the hidden language behind the incessant honking of horns heard in cities across Canada: Low German. “I know it may sounds like […]

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Couple Waits All Service to Finally Hear “You May Be Seated”

February 8, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Mr. and Mrs. Driedger were on their feet exactly at 10:01 AM when the worship leader asked everyone to “stand if you are able” and turn to Hymn 603 in their Voices Together […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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