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Articles by Andrew

Unger Conviction

Mennonite Church to Hold Weeklong Series of Meetings to Decide Matters that Easily Could Have Been Settled in a Couple Emails

May 2, 2022 Andrew

KIDRON, OH The Southside North Kidron Mennonite Church is hosting a week-long series of meetings to settle a couple matters that could have been decided via – max – two quick emails. “Thank you, everyone […]

The Daily Bonnet

Aging Mennonites Switch from Dutch Blitz to Skip Bo

May 1, 2022 Andrew

SASKATOON, SK After years of wearing out their finger joints playing Dutch Blitz, Mr. and Mrs. Unger of Saskatoon have decided to “take things easy a little and play Skip Bo from now on.” “It’s […]

Unger Suspicion

Meet Lisa, the One Person in All of Manitoba Who Doesn’t Have Covid Right Now

April 30, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Lisa, a third-year Mennonite Studies student from Winnipeg has recently been discovered as the only person in the entire province who doesn’t have Covid right now. “My cousin Sam has it, all of […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Sells Margarine Container to Elon Musk for $44 Billion

April 29, 2022 Andrew

FRESNO, CA After months of heated negotiation, Mrs. Eleanor Brandt of Fresno just sold her top margarine container to investor Elon Musk for a record $44 billion. “He took it no questions asked,” said Mrs […]

Unger & Thirst

Mennonite Woman Plans to Totally Fe’schlucke Herself Friday Night

April 28, 2022 Andrew

WINNIPEG, MB Area woman Alice Braun has been anticipating the ‘Mennonites Laughing’ event at McNally Robinson on Friday night and is already fe’schlucking herself in preparation. “Andrew Unger? Armin Wiebe? Even Corny Rempel yet?” said […]

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SATIRICAL NEWS BY ANDREW UNGER

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